False Start

Really guys… I’m starting my training tomorrow.  I’ve been doing a bit of work here and there.

Mostly walking the lake once a week, but nothing that would actually get me prepared for a half marathon.

Tomorrow – that will all change.  I have plans to go run the lake after school on Mondays and Thursdays. I have an accountability partner for yoga on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.  Saturdays I am going to wake myself up for a long run.  I am ready to get serious about achieving my goals.

I’ll even have pics to prove it.

 

-Jenni.

And Now I’m Back… From Outer Space

It’s been about a year before my failed cleanse, and I have gone through a lot since then.  I am currently training to be a yoga teacher. I have given up gluten. Basically… I’m a changed woman.

And now I have decided it is time to break out the old blog and try to fall in love with running again. This time, with a bit more of a focus on yoga. This journey will pick up with a 28-Day Yoga Practice. I have found some pretty awesome videos on Youtube, and I am planning on doing a practice ever day for the next month (well, 28 days).

I am currently teaching yoga two days a week (Monday and Thursday) after school. I take an actual yoga class Wednesday night. This leaves Tuesday, Friday, and the weekend for running.  I always run better when I have a race in mind so I will be training for The Florida Run (http://thefloridarun.com) in November.

To keep accountable, I will be doing AT LEAST weekly updates on the blog. And there might even be pictures!!

More to come, so stay tuned.

 

-Jenni.

 

The Cleanse That Didn’t Happen

I woke up at 6:10AM. I set my alarm for 6:30, but rather than fight to fall back asleep for a minimal amount of time, I accepted my fate and got out of bed slowly, like the cleanse tells me to do. I scraped my tongue (which is more fun than it sounds) and water boarded myself for fun (also known as netipot). In actuality, I do not find the netipot as invasive and annoying as most people I actually kind of like it. It is mostly because on the days and weeks that I do not use it, I can tell and I end up with not only an allergy-filled nose, but also a sore throat.

After those morning staples, I ventured into the kitchen and start the kitchari. Kitchari is what I was supposed to eat for this weekend. Ah yes, instead of binge drinking and stuffing my face with apple pie and cakes with fruit strategically placed on it to look like an America flag, I ate this lovely concoction of mung beans and basmati rice for 12 hours of one day. Spoiler Alert: I didn’t finish the cleanse. But I did learn that kitchari would go really well with some grilled chicken strips…organic, of course.

Before you get too serious, I would like to say that I respect anyone’s decision to do whatever they want. If cleansing makes you happy, go for it. Do what makes you happy. I follow a morning routine centered around an Ayurvedic lifestyle. For me, that lifestyle doesn’t include cleansing. But working around hundreds of children on a daily basis means that I encounter a massive amount of germs. Since starting yoga and my morning routine I have gotten sick less and I have had a more positive attitude about my position (most days).

Eating was supposed to occur at three different times of the day: between 7-8 AM, between 12-1 PM, and between 6-7 PM. The strangest part of this cleanse was not being about to eat as soon as I wake up. I usually am up, put food in my mouth, and I’m out the door to my job. The cleanse calls for waking up early enough to take your time. You have to prepare a new batch of food each morning, and you have to be present. Presently, I was hungry and breakfast still had 15 more minutes to cook. I was also wondering why I was up at 6:00AM on a Saturday when I could have been sleeping all day. Such was life.

After breakfast, which was weird, I decided that resting was important. I went back to bed until 11:15AM, which meant I only had to be presently aware of 45 minutes before I was allowed to eat. I also realized that I had gotten paid, which meant that I could go get vegetables and fruit from Aldi to add to my food. Needless to say, I was very excited.

Upon getting to Aldi I made an executive decision to add a bit more fruit and vegetables to my cleanse. I stopped by a juice store and stocked up on Master Cleanse Juice since they would be closed for the holiday weekend. Lunch occurred at 1:10PM, ten minutes later than the cleanse suggested, but I assumed I would be okay. I added some sliced mango to the mix and was ready to go. I silently noted that it might be smarter to eat fruits and veggies for lunch and dinner and then the kitchari for dinner, and ate slowly. This time I got fuller faster, and I tried to get down a few more bites because I knew the next stretch of time would be the most difficult because I would be awake and without food. I contemplated whether or not I should watch TV, and I settled on a monodiet of Boy Meets World…at least I was keeping with a theme.

After 4 hours of binge watching Boy Meets World, I was starving. All I could think about was Chinese leftovers in the fridge. So, I texted my dear friend who was more than prepared with an article telling me that cleanses were stupid and I was doing nothing that I couldn’t achieve from just eating right. As I tore through Krab Rangoon and bags of cookies, I realized that maybe the article was right. Maybe instead of choosing three days of the cleanse, I should just change my eating habits to something more balanced.

So, in conclusion… Enjoy your life in moderation. Life is not worth throwing your money away on something you aren’t going to enjoy. It always ends the same, no matter how seriously you take it.

New Goals

So, a lot has happened since the last time I really updated.

I have really taken a step back from life and tried to find out what makes me happy. I quit all the big gyms and Crossfit classes I had been attending and I picked up a full-time membership to a yoga studio. I realized when I came home every night from Crossfit I just was not as happy as I could be. I was putting stress on my mind and on my body.Relating to a past post, I was focusing on past events and reasons why I wanted to feel strong. The need to feel strong wasn’t something I was doing for myself. I wanted to feel like I could take on the world, and that’s not something that I can do on my own. I wanted to feel like I could protect myself, but the thoughts motivating this were crowding my mind. I needed something to help me focus on healing. I thought about it. I did my research on yoga as a sole source of exercise, and I decided that I would do it. At first, I was planning to dedicate the entire year to just yoga. But then I felt like something was missing. I had this healing activity that was also a great source of fitness, but I still needing a truly freeing activity that I could do on my own, away from a room of other people. Running, at its best, is something where I can put on some music and just go. I don’t have to take people with me. I don’t have to follow anyone’s plan. I just can go out and run.

Last week I registered for a Half Marathon, which means I am going to start running again. This is fitting, seeing as finding my way back to running was really the true goal of this year. I am planning on running the Star Wars – Dark Side Half Marathon at Disney in April. I have a good six months to train, and I am really looking forward to it.

Since my last update, I have also started a new job teaching Second Grade, and I’m really enjoying it. It has its difficult days, like any job. But the rewarding days are so rewarding. I can feel like I am making a difference in these kids’ lives because I truly am.

Other than that, I’m still quite boring.

-Jenni.

Training… Again

I’m signing up for a half marathon as soon as I get paid on Wednesday. I will start running and training again. Lots to update on… That will come later.

-Jenni.

The Second Day

I had a plan to do my healthy habits all over again today. That plan failed when I woke up and immediately started checking all the apps on my phone… old habits die-hard. Therefore, I will see if I feel any different today based on doing things the way I usually do them. It should be noted that while I got an extra 30 minutes of sleep, my evening was split up. I came home and fell asleep for a few hours, got up and had dinner, and then tried to go back to sleep. This was an ordeal that ended up taking around two hours.

Today is the second day of the seminar, and since I’ve already taken this seminar I know what to expect. Today will actually be a pretty active day (especially compared to yesterday). I just hope I get an entertaining table.

*** Next Day Update ***

There isn’t much to say about yesterday. I did prefer waking up early and following a routine, as it seemed to help with my stress level. I tend to clash with certain personalities when I don’t get enough sleep, and I felt a small amount of that yesterday. However, the day was still pretty decent. I feel like I learned more than I did the first time I took this seminar, and I was able to offer advice to others (which is always a good feeling).

Today is the last day of the seminar, and we are supposed to learn about curriculum. I am not sure how awake I should plan to be, but I have done a bit of a combo this morning. I didn’t look at screens for the first thirty minutes of the morning. I had my breakfast while listening to my Bible plan. I still have not perfected the mug pancake recipe, but I at least had some bananas this morning to include in the recipe. My next update will most likely be when I get into my classroom either on Thursday or sometime next week.

Speaking of my classroom, I currently have a GoFundMe fundraiser going on to raise funds for my classroom. As it will be my first full year teaching, I do not have a lot of supplies that I can call my own.  If you would take the time to donate, or even to share the link with friends, it would be greatly appreciated. Every little bit helps. Donate Here.

-Jenni.

 

It’s Gonna Be A Good Day

7 Things Healthy People Do Every Morning

I found the above link week ago, and I have been saving it for my first day of work. While I’m not back in the classroom this week, I am at a seminar all week. Seminars might be more difficult to stay awake at than an actual classroom.

I know we need to learn how to run our classroom, but I tend to get restless when I have to sit for more than an hour at a time. Teachers train themselves to stand in an educational setting (because we are usually the one teaching). Therefore, when I am placed in a situation where I am the one learning, I usually end up fighting the need to run laps around the conference room. But that’s not the point I’m going over this morning.

Because I knew that one the healthy habits was no screen time for the first hour, I tried to do the list from memory. I got through about four of the seven habits: drink water, no screen time, be grateful, and saying affirmations. I read my affirmations off of my mirror; it still counts. I forgot to get bananas, so I was unable to make mug pancakes for breakfast. I stuck with yogurt and a simple protein bar. It’s probably not the best breakfast, but it will do for today.

*** Afternoon Update ***

I was very pleased to find out that my training had snacks available throughout the day. I really don’t know if I would have made it without that second cup of coffee!

While it is difficult to be excited about going through the same procedures each year, I was able to keep myself almost fully attentive (I’ll call it 90%) until just after lunch. It’s just something about taking that long lunch break at seminars that makes the rest of the day feel like a full week.  By the end of the day, I was ready to pass out, but afraid to let myself take a nap so close to bedtime. I am looking forward to the fact that we start a half hour later tomorrow, which will allow for that small extra piece of sleep time.

Tonight I will be going through the bedtime yoga flow again, as it did seem to relax me just enough to get myself in the mindset of sleep. It would be interesting (and beneficial) to see how effective it is if done right before I turn the lights out for the evening. More updates tomorrow… and maybe I’ll throw in some pictures. ❤

-Jenni.

Everyone Has A Different Brave

What do you think of when you think of someone who is brave?

For most, the first people who come to mind are soldiers or service workers (and for good reason). These people spend their time keeping us safe. Not only is that brave, that is something that we should be really grateful for. Putting all the political and social issues that consistently surround these jobs, these men and women are why I feel safe at night.

Now, think of the last time you did something you consider brave.

For the vast majority, running into a burning building to save a family pet will not come to mind. Very few of us will ever know the feeling of lifting a car off of someone who you might not even know. Some people consider having the courage to get up and go to work every day is an act of bravery that they must face every day. Others may find bravery in a child that stands up to the classroom bully. Some may find bravery in applying for the new job in a new town where you don’t know anyone.

The most important thing to take from this is that everyone has a different brave. One person’s bravery does not take away from anyone else’s bravery. The bravery I find in my friend getting out of bed every day does not take away from the bravery I find in my other friend who is fighting for our freedom overseas. The bravery that the media finds in one woman discovering herself does not take away from the firefighters and police who keep us safe every day and night.

Bravery is not a competition. Bravery is a personal journey that maps out a different road for every one. The sooner we start to accept this, the sooner that we can accept and appreciate all the bravery that exists in this world.

-Jenni.

Loss of Innocence

**Please note before reading this post that it talks about rape, and other unpleasant things. Please keep in mind that this is my story, not everyone’s story. Each story is different. If you have a story to tell, I hope you find your voice.**

Sometimes I will have weeks at a time that I think about what it would have been like if I could have chosen the person that I lost my virginity to. It will start with dreams, that dreams turn to nightmares, and then the thoughts seep into my daily thoughts. Around the end of April every year, for the past four years, I start to get in a small rut of emotions that I end up hanging out in for several months.

I have been playing with this post for some time now. I know that not a lot of people read my blog. And I know that this is a fitness blog more than a personal blog. But I needed to get this out of my system. I needed to type it out for other people to see. I live with the hope that someone will take my story and find the courage in themselves to seek help, seek justice, seek all the things that I took too long to start to seek. I want people who are looking to know that they are not alone. I want the people who might be thinking that their story isn’t like the stories on the news so it must not be important to know that their stories are important. I want those people to know they are important. They deserve a voice just as much as anyone else.

The problem with my case is that it wasn’t violent. It wasn’t in a back alley or a hotel. It wasn’t because I was caught off-guard searching for my keys in a parking lot. He didn’t beat me. It was in my bedroom. I let him in my bedroom. We went to dinner before it happened. It was the natural progression of the evening according to every romantic comedy ever released. If the date goes well, the guy gets sex. Or that’s what most guys believe. And sometimes, if the girl doesn’t believe it, the guy will be persistent. The guy will keep forcing it until the girl’s will breaks and she stops fighting. A girl’s fight against rape is not always physically violent. For me, it was violent to my soul. I curse myself every day for not fighting more. People sometimes ask me why I like lifting weights and doing CrossFit so much. They want to know why I get more excited about a new PR or muscle definition rather than getting excited over how much weight I’ve lost. Too many times people tell me that my legs are getting too big…and it’s not fat… it’s muscle. But now, I know how to fight. I know how to fight with myself. I am constantly learning to push myself further than I ever believed I could push. Now, I have confidence. Every day that I make myself stronger is a day further away from being the scared girl who I was in the past. It is a step away from the girl that felt the need to seek approval from other people. It is a step away from the girl who felt that she was only worth one thing.

For the longest time, I blamed myself. It was the way I was dressed or what I said or the fact that I met him online… and everyone knows that the only people you ever meet online are horrible rapists disguised as nice guys with eloquently worded dating profiles. I tried so hard, for months, to convince myself that I was fine. It wasn’t until I was reliving the evening with one of my friends that I accepted what truly happened. But even in my first instance of acceptance, I wasn’t healed. The only sexual interaction I knew was physical fulfillment, and that was all that I thought I needed. I spent the last half of my college career searching for anyone that would fill the void that was created. And in that search, I started to believe that sexual interaction was the only reason guys wanted anything to do with me. Some lasted months, others just a day.  I collected stories that became anecdotes. I was the one with all the stories at parties. I still love my stories. As much as I do wish my life had gone differently sometimes, I still love being able to pull out some of the best stories at the drop of a hat. But by the time real relationships came into play, I was in unfamiliar territory. My first long-term relationship ended less than fabulously. It lasted longer than it should have, and we both weren’t happy for several of the final months. Once I found a guy that actually was nice, I wasn’t entirely sure how to accept it. Realizing there was more to a relationship than just the physical and that it was possible to stay together after an argument is a process that I am still learning. I am grateful to have someone who is so patient with me.

Each year gets easier. I do hope that one day I am able to make it through June without remembering the date. I am hopeful because my life is filled with so many good things. I have friends that would do anything for me. I have friends that are always there, even at 3am when they should be sleeping. My experiences are nowhere near what some people experience. I admire the strength of every story I hear.

-Jenni.

Lots of Fitness

I am so glad to be back!

Back in the gym. Back in the swing of things. Today felt SO good!!

Today I not only got to do CrossFit, I stayed after to work out back and biceps. I was at the gym for three hours, and I loved every minute of it. I am currently working on planning my workouts two weeks at a time. Even though I am not a long way along, I really do think that this will be a good planning strategy for me. It’s long enough for me to create attainable short-term goals, while still short enough to be able to change something on the next round if it needs alterations.

After being sick for two weeks and gaining some of my weight back, I am ready to get down to business and making all the changes I know I need to make in my life. I have already proven to myself that eating healthy works (duh!).

I know I haven’t been very entertaining in the writing realm lately, but I am hoping that once I get back on track on a normal basis, my posts will get more entertaining as well.

-Jenni.